Part 14

“Enough, Andy. Stop now!” Lee shouted, reaching out and pulling the bottle away. Andy held tight, and the wine spilled over him. He let go.

“Fuck you,” he screamed and continued to chop at the steak. “This body is shit. Everything’s wrong with it. I’m not handsome, I can’t get laid, all this body does is sleep and watch TV. This brain can’t make a coherent argument.”

“You are very coherent, Andy. You are smart and talented. You just need more experience. You can make it. Put the knife down, Andy.”

“So, I’m coherent when I’m pissed. Am I supposed to be pissed my whole life?”

“Stop now, Andy. Anger is an option.”

“Somebody shut this motherfucker up! FUCK!” screamed Andy raising his arms, fists clenching the fork and knife. With mouth opened he burped and vomited, and pink chunks of meat and streaks of wine streamed down his chin and shirt. His bandages peeked from his sleeves like the final insult. Seeing them brought out more rage, and he viciously stabbed the bandages with the steak knife. Blood flowed. Lee grabbed him and separated the knife from the wound, and the waiter ran toward them and grabbed Andy’s shoulders. “I was right to kill myself. I was fucking right,” Andy screamed. They brought Andy to the floor squirming, screaming, and vomiting. Suddenly, Andy went silent as he started to choke on the steak vomit. His eyes bulged and face turned the colour of Harper’s coffin dress.

“Turn him. Turn him around,” someone shouted, and they did, and Lee frantically pounded Andy’s back. It didn’t work. Lee lifted Andy’s limp body. He squeezed below Andy’s ribs, and Andy’s arms and head hung and wrists bled profusely onto the red carpet. Lee pounded against Andy’s back. It didn’t work. The body convulsed. Lee squeezed, pressing hard at Andy’s abdomen and up to the rib cage. He pounded. Andy’s spine cracked. A large, pink piece of beef landed on the carpet, and Andy’s lungs made a gargling sound. They all collapsed on the floor.

April 1, Saturday

Lee’s suitcase was packed and stored at the nurses’ station. He sat in the circle. The doctor took attendance. After a course of medication, Jeff, Kori, and Gray wore pyjamas and sat calm, straight, and smiling. Lee hunched.

“So, who would like to start today?” The doctor looked around the docile faces. “Lee. How about you? This is your last day with us. How do you feel?”

Lee took a breath and sat for a moment. “I came here because my wife died. I forced myself in because I was scared, and I was preoccupied with being alone. I met Andy. And I think, instead of being understanding, as a parent would, I treated Andy as an adult. And I didn’t realize…” Tears rolled down Lee’s face. “…I didn’t realize that Andy was going through something just as bad. Just like everyone else here.” Lee looked around. “I came here because I was scared that I would kill myself. I told Andy that killing oneself only hurts others, but I thought it was okay for me because I didn’t have a family anymore. And I hurt Andy. I’ve tripped Andy, and now he’s hurt. And I’m hurt. But I just want him to be okay. I want him to be whoever he wants to be. Last time we spoke he was the man. Transgender or not, I just want him to be okay. We are all good people. We deserve to treat each other better. I want to be better to us. And I think maybe I’ve made a friend, and I may have destroyed that friendship. I hope I can fix it. The world is a wasteland of pain, but I hope I can be forgiven for being part of that ugliness. I want to be the good part. I want to be the comfort and peace, not the rock that harm. I just want us to be okay.”

Lee cried.