Part 13

“That’s never gonna happen to me. I’m gonna make it. I’m gonna have it all. I’m not a loser like this lot.” He pointed at the door. “I’m going big, and I’m going big now.”

“I’m not saying it can’t happen, Andy,” said Lee with sorrow in his eyes. “I know you really want it, but unless you are one of those psychopaths who only sleep four hours a night, and whose brain is rolling at the speed of sound, it’s likely still gonna be a struggle.”

“I could be one of them. I will be.”

Lee smiled. “If you were that brain, you already would, Andy. Do you think famous people live long because they are rich? They are rich because of their constitution. Their bodies are of a different species – a shark’s body filled with radioactive blood and alien DNA. They have a lifespan of a shark and zero cavities. Their minds are built on the abilities of their bodies – bodies that work faster, harder, and longer every day. They are filled with electricity, and their lives are spared of doubt. They can build things faster than others. That’s what makes them smart. Their speed takes them further. That’s why they succeed.”

“I’m one of them, you jerk. I’m one of them,” shouted Andy, eyes watering.

“I’m sorry, Andy. Maybe you are.” Lee lowered his voice. “And even if not, you can still make it. I’m just telling you to be ready to pay the dues. That’s just life. You do what you love, and you work for success. It will happen.”

“It’s not like that. Not for me. Fuck you, Lee,” shouted Andy, grabbed the wine bottle, took three big gulps, slammed it down, leaned on his elbows, burped loudly, and sulked.

The waiter brought their food. A great big steak covered in black pepper surrounded by roasted vegetables and potatoes, and a salad with tofu, goat cheese and beets.

“Screw this,” shouted Andy. “Please take the salad back.”

“Anything wrong, sir?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I changed my mind. I’ll have what he’s having. Actually, no. I’ll take what he’s having, and you go make him another one. Fuck him,” shouted Andy, throwing the salad aside, and grabbing Lee’s plate.

The waiter looked at Lee with a question. Lee nodded and waved him off.

“As you wish, sir.” The waiter walked away. Andy held the steak knife like a murder weapon and ravenously sliced into the roasted flesh, and the knife crunched against the bone and scraped loudly against the porcelain.

“It’s rare, Andy.”

“I know. I wasn’t born a vegetarian. Let the fucker bleed.” Andy grunted with annoyance. He shoved the first hunk of meat in his mouth and chewed heavily. He pointed the knife at the bottle. “Wine really goes with the meat.”

“Just slow down. Your stomach might not be used to it. I’m sorry I upset you.”

“Shut the fuck up, Lee. I was the man for you, and this is what you give in return? Fuck you. Fuck stomach. Fuck this body. Like you said: If it can’t take it, it’s not worth living in it, the piece of shit. You…” he pointed the knife at Lee, “You are a prick. You took everything away from me: dreams, hope, God… you fucked everything up for me.”

“I’m sorry, Andy. It’s okay. You can make it. But you need to respect your body. Health is the only thing that matters in the long run – keeping it healthy so it can run long, until you make it big.”

“I can’t fucking believe you!” Andy screamed and a piece of bloodied meat fell from his mouth, “Stop the fucking lecture.” He shoved more large hunks of steak into his mouth. Red juice dripped from his mouth. “I don’t want this fucking body,” he screamed. “I want a different body. It doesn’t work hard enough. Not like the people you talk about. I don’t want to be a girl. Fuck trans! I know now – I’m not trans. I’m the man now! I just want to be somebody else. I want a body that will make me rich and famous.” With tears in his eyes, he grabbed the wine bottle and gulped, and the wine streaked down his chin and throat onto his shirt. He choked, coughed, and spat the wine over the table.